Since we are just under three months to Captain Marvel‘s release date, I thought I would try to ramp up the writing a bit, so here I am, dipping my toe into Brie Larson’s TV career, basically tackling the Showtime series, The United States of Tara. Before I get to that, however, another Inside Look (basically a shorter trailer) for Captain Marvel that I scoffed from IMDB.: Go here to be entertained. (I should really shell out for the upgraded version where I get to embed things.)

Also, please consider joining the Captain Marvel Challenge. Last year, Frederick Joseph started a Gofundme campaign to help kids from Harlem see Black Panther, and this year he’s starting a similar one for young girls for Captain Marvel. This particular campaign has raised over $45,000 so far, but there are tons of smaller ones that need your support.

Now, on with the ranting…

Back in 2009 (ten freaking years ago!), Larson got what I think could be considered a big break (also read as a regular paycheck) when she played Toni Collette’s daughter in the series The United States of Tara, a show I knew nothing about until a couple hours ago. If you’re like me, let me give you a quick rundown; Collette plays Tara, a suburban housewife who suffers from dissociative identity disorder. I had to look it up, too, but it used to be called multiple personality disorder. Tara has a lot of people in her mind, and apparently doesn’t even know what they are doing when they are in control. I have only watched a couple episodes, but it seems like some kind of trauma caused it, and it also seems like she doesn’t know what that trauma was. Interestingly enough, as the series begins, Tara’s family is kind of okay with it, because it’s just part of their lives. One of her “alters,” as they are called, T, is actually pretty close with Larson’s character, Kate. The only real alter who seems to be creating trouble is the male one, who is a total redneck and causes all sorts of problems (as men tend to do.).

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Toni Collette as “Buck”

Because this show is executive-produced by Jill Soloway, who was the writer of many of my favorite episodes of Six Feet Under (and went on to create Transparent, among other things), there are cool moments when Tara talks to her alters as if they are real people, much like characters on Six Feet Under would talk to dead people, and not in a Sixth Sense-way, but in a all-in-their-heads-way. The similarities don’t stop there, in fact. the way the characters developed reminded me a lot of SFU, as well as other Premium cable shows that were popular in the early-2000’s.

Watching this show kind of brought me back to that glorious time, in fact. All the Premuim Cable networks like HBO and Showtime were hitting their creative stride after shows like The Sopranos, Queer as Folk and The Wire won critical acclaim, and this was before every other network decided, “We can do that, too.” And this was also before streaming services came along and diluted the market even more. Now, everyone has a show, and of course, some of them are excellent, but to me, it’s sort of similar to expansion in major league sports. Like, are there really enough great pitchers in the world for 30 teams to each have a staff of twelve?

Because this was pre-saturation, it’s interesting to watch it now and see the difference. It’s hard to describe, really, but the pacing seemed different. The characters and storylines could breathe a little more because the creators did’t feel like they had to grab you within the first five seconds or you could just turn it off and watch one of the other five thousand binge-able shows that are on. It was also sort of like visiting old friends, because a lot of the same actors were traded about among the few really good shows. United States of Tara starred John Corbett, who played Aiden Shaw on Sex in the City, but also appearances by Frances Conroy (Ruth Fisher on SFU), Tony Hale (Buster on Arrested Development, and soon-to-be Veep), and Patton Oswalt, who always plays Patton Oswalt.

However, as far as Brie Larson goes, she was still on her way up, so she plays the teenage daughter in this dysfunctional family. Much like Claire (Lauren Ambrose) on SFU, she is at that age where she is transitioning into adulthood, and dealing with the many trials downloadthat brings. The cool thing about her character is that she plays against type a little, because she’s actually really smart and ambitious, even graduating from high school early in the second season’s debut episode. She is not portrayed as one of the girlfriends from the Big Bang Theory, however, but someone who is actually kind of cool, funny, attractive, and yet just also happens to be intelligent. It was pretty refreshing to see for a teenage girl on a television show to be portrayed like an actual person rather than a stereotype. (Although, from the pictures I’ve seen, she appearsdownloadto go on to portray The Princess of Valhalla, so maybe I should watch more before I make these assumptions. And so, we get what amounted her her first go-round as a super-hero.)

 

From what I have seen, great writing created this character, but great acting still had to mold it. Of course, we all know that Larson would go on to win an Oscar, but she had to learn those skills somewhere, and I’m betting that being a regular on a quality TV show where she had to really get inside this girl’s head for month’s at a time is where she picked up a thing or two about acting. Not that she wasn’t good before, but it just seems like a logical next step. We’ve seen it with Viola Davis, Alison Janney, Jared Leto, Hell, even Tom Hanks started out on Bosom Buddies.

I’m not really sure if we’re still in the Golden Age of Television or not, although I know some people still believe it. I think there’s just too much noise out there. But i do believe we’re in the golden age of actors, where people can ply their trade by becoming a character for years on a quality show before going out and proving themselves on the grand stage of the big screen (let’s face it, the Emmy’s will never be as big as the Oscars.) There was a time, not that long ago, when the actor’s creed was to never do a TV series, because it would mean the end of your career. Now, it has become the doorway. Not just to get noticed, but to get good. It’s a place where a young intelligent actor can play a young, intelligent character, even play a faux-super-hero, before going on to play a real one.

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There’s been a lot of Captain Marvel-related stuff going on lately, with the second trailer debuting, revealing tiny bits about the plot, and getting everyone, including myself, very excited. So, with all that, I thought I’d better chime in with something, so here it is.

Captain Marvel is going to be awesome.

Oh, you wanted more. Oh, fine. Well, if you’re like me and you live for these Marvel movies, you’d be pretty excited about this one, too. I picked up this nugget on eBay recently: Ms. Marvel #2, the second issue of Carol Danvers as Ms. Marvel, the precursor to her re-branding as Captain Marvel. It was only $20 at the time, but that price is sure to go up before the release of the movie. Keep your eyes peeled.

But as I’ve said before, this is not just a Captain Marvel fan site. The plan is to write about the career of Brie Larson, and through that, write down some hopefully-funny observations about movies, in general. To that end, I give you the Mark Wahlberg film, The Gambler.

I will try to remain unbiased here, actually, because, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really like Mark Wahlberg. I obviously never met the guy, even though he keeps coming back to my state to shoot his movies, possibly because we’re the only state that will have him. He never struck me as a very good person, and I admit that this opinion largely stems from his racial assaults in the 80’s, one of them being splitting a Vietnamese kid’s head open with a stick. When he was arrested for this, when the police brought in the victim to identify him, he told them, “You don’t have to let him identify me, I’ll tell you now that’s the mother-fucker whose head I split open.” Good dude. By the way, he was charged with attempted murder, and sentenced to two years in prison, of which he served … 45 days. How’s that for our legal system? I guess being a former New Kid opens doors.

Aside from his time as a thug, Wahlberg’s range as an actor has never really impressed me. I will say that I love Boogie Nights. Not so much for him since there were about a billion people in it, but he definitely held his own. It’s been his more recent run of movies, where he pretty much only plays dirtbags from Boston, that has given me enough reason to dislike him. Patriots Day was the last straw for me. If you’re not from the Boston area, it probably doesn’t matter, but here’s the skinny; Wahlberg’s character, Officer Tommy Saunders (or, more appropriately, “Awfficah Tawmmy Sawndahs”), who is a made-up person. Just about everyone else in the movie played a real person, but Wahlberg wanted to play a cop who impossibly managed to be everywhere during the 4- day manhunt for the bombers, so they made up a character for him. Like the saga wasn’t dramatic enough, and there weren’t enough heroes combing the streets of Boston over during that time, that they had to make up a character for him to play? And the bombing was only in 2015, man. Just too soon,

Point is, I suffered through this one in my quest to see all of Brie Larson’s movies (which, ok, I still haven’t done.) I will say that it is not a bad movie, even though there’s not much to it. The gist of it is that Wahlberg plays a literature professor who is also a compulsive gambler, and he gets in trouble because he borrows money from both his mother and a loan shark (I’m not sure which is worse.) As far as I know, this movie wasn’t based on anything, and it is not a remake, and yet I feel like I’ve seen it a hundred times. It’s your basic “Male protagonist screws up his whole life and you watch to see how he gets out of it” story. We’ve all seen it a hundred times, and there’s no real twist that makes this one stand out, and yet I can’t say I hated it.

Larson plays one of his students, Amy Phillips, who ends up having a fling with him, which is really just a side plot thrown in to give this guy one more thing that he can’t do right. I don’t necessarily have a problem with that, because in my screenwriting classes I was always taught to pile the horrible things on your characters to add to the drama. Still, as bad things you can heap on a character go, sleeping with your student is pretty tame. Maybe if she had reported him and sued him and he lost his job or something like that, it would have made for some more drama. But in the end, Amy is nothing more than a pawn in the loan shark storyline, as they threaten to kill her if Marky-Mark doesn’t pay up. Other than that, Amy has no real purpose. It would have been cool if she somehow helped him out of the whole mess, or helped redeem him in some way, but nope. See, it’s fine to pile bad things on your characters, but they really should somehow relate to the actual story somehow. Otherwise, it’s just an excuse to have a cute girl in your movie.

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The thing that really bothered me, though, was Wahlberg’s character, Jim Bennett (Even the name sounds cliche’). Bennett is one of those movie tropes that doesn’t exist anywhere but the screen: the rock star professor. I’ve worked in a University for many years, and I’ve known some fun professors, some nice professors, some professors who can toss a few drinks back, and even some who can sing. But I’ve never met a rock star professor. Probably because he doesn’t exist!

Now, of course there have been professors that have affairs with their students, and there are probably professors who are compulsive gamblers with mommy issues, but there are very likely no Literature professors who walk around thinking that they are this cool. In fact, most of them are probably really nerdy, because they have spent hours and hours with their faces in books, earning the necessary degrees to become a college professor. You don’t see a lot of people who just sort of fall into the profession. You do see a lot of people who get into it because they like to have their summers off.

I hate to play this card again, but Jim Bennet is probably an amalgamation of different people that the screenwriters knew, and he they threw in the Lit professor bit to make him seem like a smart guy who is throwing his life away, and to give him students to talk down to. Honestly, the movie wouldn’t have been any different if he was a fry cook. Actually, it maybe would have increased the desperation, because we all know that college professor is ranked as one of the least stressful job in America (apparently it’s right behind Audiologist, which is a career I’m not familiar with, but the median salary is $75,000 a year and it’s not very stressful, so sign me up.) Anyway, for the Jim Bennett character, in addition to all the other cliches’, this movie gets The Deadpool Meme:

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Maybe it’s just lazy on my part to dismiss this movie and not really delve deeper into the themes, but really, beyond Brie Larson, with all the entertainment vying for our attention, there’s really no need to watch this. But good things are coming for Ms. Larson.

It’s been awhile, but things have been hectic ’round these parts. Partially due to the Kickstarter I launched for my comic, Robin Hood: Outlaw of the 21st Century. Check it out for some cool rewards and to help a starving artist out.

Of course, in my busy-ness, I sort of missed the opportunity to chat about the Captain Marvel trailer. If you haven’t seen it yet, get out from under your rock and click the link. It’s quite good. It’s not one of those trailers that gives away all the best parts of the movie. They give you just enough to make you want to see the movie. All you see is that she’s a hero, she’s from Earth but has some ties to an alien race, and she can shoot lasers from her hands. I mean, I already know her story and I’m intrigued.

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I’ll talk a lot more about Captain Marvel as we move along, but this is about movies that Brie Larson has already made. Now, I’ve ragged on a few of her movies in my previous posts, but because I’m feeling such good vibes from the trailer, I decided to cover what is, to date, my favorite Brie Larson movie, Free Fire.MV5BOWZjMDVhMDgtMTljZC00NmM0LWE1ODYtNGZmMGRhZTc3MTg2XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTAzMTY4MDA@._V1_

A lot of people probably have never even heard of this movie, and if I weren’t scouring the globe for Brie Larson movies, I maybe wouldn’t have, either. And that would be unfortunate, because it’s a totally fun, awesome movie, one that I would have loved in college during my “Tarantino is God” phase, and totally worth your time (Seriously, it’s available free with Prime now, and I when is say “worth your time,” I mean it because it’s exactly 91 minutes, and 60 of them are one, long gunfight.)

Larson herself had just come from filming Room, for which she would win critical acclaim and an Oscar, but at the time, she was just making a fun action movie alongside Armie Hammer and Cillian Murphy. In fact, it was likely for the best that it happened that way, because the fame that came from her performance in Room could have possibly changed the vibe that this movie had going on, and that would have sucked, because the vibe that Free Fire had going on was that of a shoot-’em-up, gonzo, late-70’s blood bath. No CGI monsters smashing buildings or giants sky-lasers. Just people shooting each other and crawling around on the ground, wounded. And the great part is, when these people get shot, they feel it, and they scream in pain, and the people that shoot them even sometimes feel a little bad.

As a brief aside, can I just say that I am finding Armie Hammer to actually be quite an accomplished actor? I had honestly never heard of him before that horrible Lone Ranger debacle, but this dude has some chops. I love that he plays his handsomeness for comedy more often than not, where a lot of handsome Hollywood actors play their handsomeness for handsomeness.

The quick rundown of the story, such as it is, goes like this; in 1978 Boston, Larson’s Justine is helping to broker a deal between criminals for some rifles. So, of course, when you get a bunch of stupid criminals and some guns and put them together in an enclosed space, hilarity will ensue. As Larson puts it, Free Fire is simply “an action movie making fun of action movies.” That’s pretty good, but I don’t see it as “making fun,” as much as paying tribute to them, and making one that’s actually quite simple, and very good. There is of course some subtlety in the performances, of course, especially Hammer’s sweet-talking, sharp-dressed kingpin, and Sharlto Copley’s stupidly fake-smooth Vernon, and there’s some nods to the political unrest in Northern Ireland (hence the guns), but even if I didn’t see the opening minutes and had no idea who anyone was, I would have enjoyed this movie immensely.download

Also, I know this may seem biased, but Larson happens to be playing the most intelligent character in the movie. She is the only female, and definitely stands out among the leisure suits and bad facial hair, but she there is also an edge to her that just isn’t seen in a lot of action movies from previous generations (She even has a great moment, while pointing her gun at one of her rivals: “We can’t all be nice girls.”) There were saucy female characters, to be sure, and there were hordes of Marion Ravenwood-esque women who could hold their own with the male bad guys, but also in the end had to be rescued by their leading men. Justine needs no rescuing, and in fact, has one up on all of them, and plainly states as much when she responds to one of the dimwit crooks when he asks if she’s F.B.I.: “I’m I.I.F.M.,” which stands for In It For Myself. I mean, Marion Ravenwood was definitely in it for the money (at least at first), but even she wasn’t savvy enough to put one over on both Indiana Jones and Rene Belloq.

I would like to say that I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone, but that’s really not an issue here. I guess I won’t tell you who, if anyone, gets away, but let me just say a bunch of people get shot, all of them more than once, there’s a lot of jokes and quips, Armie Hammer smokes a lot of weed, the filmmakers make great use of John Denver on the soundtrack, and assuming they have a pulse, the audience goes home happy. But don’t let the lack of plot twists and turns get you down, because, as I said earlier, there are great characters and performances in here. They are done so well, in fact, that even though they are all criminals, you kind of want them to make it. But you know that never really happens in these movies. Just enjoy them while they’re there, because it’s pretty unlikely you’ll see a Free Fire II: Guns Blazin’ anytime soon.

In closing, I would be remiss if I didn’t post my favorite gif, one that I’ve used before in this blog, but now I can give it some context because it’s from this movie, and it pretty much tells you what the movie is all about. When Vernon sees Justine for the first time in awhile, he remarks that she is lovely, but also that she’s put on a bit of weight, and hopes that no one has “put a bun in her oven.” Justine’s reply, and the only appropriate one in this or any other era:

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So, yeah, see Free Fire.

Man of Mystery

Posted: August 9, 2018 in Uncategorized

Back in February 2016, I wrote this but I don’t think I ever posted it because I was afraid that the subject would one day Google himself and find it and be hurt (I mean, how hard would it be when your name is “Jenci?”) Well, I learned last night that Jenci had passed away back in May of Leukemia, so I decided I would post it now, since tomorrow would have been his 62nd birthday. I only edited a few spelling errors, so it would be a clear representation of how I felt then, even though now some of it takes on a slightly different meaning. The section where he talked about euthanizing himself is especially grim, because if he was serious about that, which I think he was, that choice was taken away from him. According to the obituary, however, he died peacefully in his sleep, so that was probably better.  

While re-reading it, I did feel bad about what I wrote about “becoming him,” as if that would have been the worst thing in the world. I’m sure he didn’t look back on his life as wasted. He probably recalled fondly his summers as a raft guide, took solace in the knowledge and wisdom that he passed on to the countless students and young employees that he worked with over the years, and I have no doubt that he was pleased with his record collection. Still, when I read his obituary, the last line gave me pause: that he was survived by his older brother and “beloved dog Andi.” Obviously, his life and legacy amounted to more than that, but it does make one wonder…

Here’s the post:

I recently returned to my pseudo-former part-time job at Harvard Media & Technology Services, because it’s extra cash and because I feel like I owe them for giving me a job right out of college when my only experience with audio-visual technology was pressing the play button on my VCR.  I say “returned” even though I technically have never actually left the job, although I like to take semester-long breaks on occasion.  And yes, I actually started working there in 1998, and in my current incarnation, I have been working there off-and-on since 2006.  Any way you slice it, I’m a veteran.

The reason for my most-recent hiatus was the evening supervisor in the office I was working out of had started to grate on me a little.  Jenci (pronounced “yen-see”), despite being very smart in general and incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to audio-visual equipment, is undoubtedly one of the strangest people I ever met.  However, a funny thing happened the other night upon my triumphant return: I found out Jenci was gone, having moved back to his hometown in Ohio, and the thought struck me that I would probably never see him again.

The quick backstory on Jenci is that he was recruited by Harvard University’s football program as an undergrad in the 80’s because he was both a good high school athlete and also had the grades to excel at their prestigious institution.  Jenci got a work-study job at then-Harvard Audio-Visual Services.  Upon graduating with a degree in one of the sciences (although he was always very mysterious about what it was), he was offered a full-time job at Harvard A/V, and there he stayed until just a couple months ago.  On my first day in 1998, he trained me and several of us newbies on the ins-and-outs of A/V equipment.  I still vividly remember him teaching us about a fictitious numbering system he came up with for measuring audio output, which he affectionately called “Jenci Units.”

In the years I knew Jenci, I found him to be a pretty laid back and even kind fellow.  I heard him on more than one occasion offer student employees money if they needed to buy lunch, or even offer some of his own food (A large man, Jenci and food were never far apart.). He was always helpful when you had any kind of question, be they about life or a basic wireless microphone set-up. And Jenci was a man who loved his dog. So much that he often referred to him as a person: “Cousin Andi.”

Still, elements of the bizarre were always at the forefront of his personality.  I remember the evening not very long ago when Jenci patted me on my bald spot, as if pointing out something that I was not aware of (I always find it amazing that the more obese a man is, the more hair he seems to have on his head.). I remember how he stowed away food all over the office like he was preparing for the coming apocalypse. I recall how he would cut his Post-Its into tiny shards and stick them to his monitor, and inscribe notes on them in very small handwriting, until his monitor became a sort of memory-jogging kaleidoscope. And I remember him telling me, in grave detail, how he would euthanize himself once he got to a point where he could no longer work and, thus, was no longer “useful.”

“I don’t really want to burden anyone, so if I can’t work a job anymore, I’ll just take myself out,” he proclaimed.

“Seriously?” Even though we had been joking around earlier, his tone had changed. He wasn’t sullen, but very matter-of-fact, like he had given this serious thought.

“Yeah, I have no children to worry about me, so when the time comes, I’ll just take care of my affairs and do what’s necessary.”

“So, what? Call Dr. Kevorkian or something?” I asked.

“No. There are certain chemicals that can be used to dull the senses so that I wouldn’t feel anything. All I would need is some of those and a plastic bag, and it would be easy.”

“You really have this all figured out.”

He nodded. “Like I said, I don’t want to be a burden to anyone,”

“There are no bridges nearby?” I muttered.

It was this conversation that lead me to believe that he would be found in a Harvard lecture hall one morning, a plastic bag over his head.

Conversations like this were also why Jenci disturbed me so.  Not for the obviously maudlin How-I-Plan-To-Kill-Myself reason, but because they became all-to frequent occurrences. Well into his fifties by this point, he would talk to the young female students as if they were his companions rather than subordinates, and I think they were definitely a little freaked out by him. Even I found it incredibly awkward when he would invite me to his home to drink his craft beer, knowing of my affinity for it, because it was never in that “Hey, want to come over and have a beer and watch the game” kind of way. It felt more like a Ralph Wiggum “Please be my friend” kind of way.

But the thing that most frightened me about Jenci was the fear that I would one day become him. He was a nice guy, like I said, and always good for a story, but the closer I get to my fortieth birthday, a part of me worries that I may one day become a 50-something man who has been working at a university for far too long and who makes creepy conversation with young female students far too often.  This, combined with his fastidious office behavior and his bizarre eating habits, lead me to take my latest break from Harvard.  I even feared going back this time, because I would have to make small talk with Jenci.

Still, when I learned of his departure, I was a little sad. Something about the finality of it all unnerved me. He seemed like such an institution at that place that I could never envision him leaving. I heard different theories as to what happened, but I wasn’t able to learn the truth. I had hoped that he had simply retired in peace (and changed his mind about the whole suicide thing), but I also heard that he was still working somewhere in Ohio. One theory I heard was that he perhaps unnerved one student too many and was shown the door. Another was that his mother had become ill and he returned to care for her. Not that I would wish that something bad would happen to his mother, but I kind of hope that was the reason. I would hate to think that after the years he had worked at Harvard that they would cast him aside if he wasn’t willing to go.

That’s the interesting thing here; Jenci was not someone I would have ever chosen to hang out with, or would have invited over my house for dinner, and yet, when I think about it, he was actually a mentor to me. Not just because he taught me about Jenci Units, but he also taught me how to deal with ornery professors (always tell them you know what the problem is, even if you have no idea.), which in turn helps me deal with people in general. Also, considering that I actually worked with him off-and-on for 18 years, and he didn’t seem to have many social outlets outside of work and his dog, he probably thought of me as a friend. Of course, it doesn’t take a Harvard degree to see that is probably why I disliked him so, because really, despite the occasional weirdness, there was inherently nothing wrong with him. I simply didn’t want to see him as a friend.

Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned from Jenci had nothing to do with technology or friendship. It was that we don’t always get to pick our mentors in this life. While I don’t necessarily look back on him with fondness, or feel inspired by his teachings, I did learn a lot about how to deal with people, and maybe how not to talk to female students. Most importantly, I learned that people come into your life, and it’s all very random.  You don’t necessarily have to drink beer with them, or even like them, but they are there and you can learn valuable lessons from them, like it or not.

I will definitely miss him a little, and despite all my grumbling, if I ever do see him again, I will be sure to thank him for the memories and the mentoring. Maybe I’ll even pat him on the head.

If some people think I’ve been too kind to some of the Brie Larson movies during this project (even though I bagged on Trainwreck and Digging for Fire pretty good, and really crapped on Spectacular Now. Man, have I actually liked any of her movies?) I figured I would throw this one out there and get it over with. Why not? It sure seemed like the people who made it did.

MV5BMTUwMzI5ODEwNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNjAzNjI2MDI@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,674,1000_AL_Kong: Skull Island is the 2nd movie in what is the latest attempt to copy the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe by having a stable of monsters who all inhabit the same space (or MonsterVerse, as I believe it is known by the seven people who care). 2014’s Godzilla was the first, and I found that movie quite enjoyable, as a fan of giant lizards stomping on things.I do wonder, though, as this shared universe goes along, when people will start wondering how Peter Jackson’s King Kong fits in, and why didn’t they bring back Matthew Broderick for these new ones. But that is for another column.

I have actually not seen all of Brie Larson’s movies yet (and here I am talking about them as if I know everything, amiright?), but of the ones that I have seen, this may be the worst one. I mean, I’m sure 21 Jumpstreet was rough, and yeah, Spectacular Now was really annoying, but they seriously didn’t even try here. Tom Hiddleston, John Goodman, John C. Reilly, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson are all great actors, and even they could not save this turnip of a movie. I mean, they probably didn’t know how badly it would turn out, of course. I’m sure Sam Jackson just figured he’d yell a lot like he does in every other movie he’s in and everything would be fine. Well, it wasn’t.

Here’s the skinny, if you can’t figure out the intricate plot. Hiddleston plays a “monster-hunter” of sorts, and is hired to find out what’s the deal with this uncharted island. He is joined by some scientists, and Larson, who is there to take pictures. Jackson and his team of military guys show up to blow everything away, and they encounter John C. Reilly, who crash-landed there years ago and has since gone insane. They run afoul of some crazy lizard creatures, King Kong shows up to battle said creatures, and a bunch of people die, and eventually Kong wins and the survivors leave. It’s basically the beginning of every other King Kong movie that has come before, minus any intrigue.

That is the bare bones plot, but there are obviously other things going on. For example, Larson’s character is actually, according to wikipedia, “pacifist photojournalist Mason Weaver, who believes that the expedition is a secret military operation, and intends to expose it.” I honestly didn’t remember that at all. I just remembered her with a camera. It’s clearly just a device that they came up with to have a female lead and give her character a little weight, but is never followed up on and means nothing once the monsters show up. Let’s face it, that’s all anyone wanted to see, anyway.

At the risk of sounding like my old gym teacher, there’s nothing worse than not showing effort. I guess, when you’re a high school gym teacher, that’s all you have. But he obviously never had the filmmakers behind Kong: Skull Island in his classes. It kind of hurts to say that, really, because I’ve been on a few movie sets in my time, and I can say without reservations that it takes a lot of people working long hours to make even one scene come off well. There’s lighting, multiple cameras, sound engineers, actors, extras, green screens, and everything has to be in the exact proper place for it all to match up. So the fact that a movie gets made at all is a kind of a minor miracle, let alone a movie that is any good. Maybe it would be more appropriate to say that this movie comes off like it was made with no effort, because I’m sure a lot of people worked long and hard on it, and I do feel bad for those people. But they got a paycheck, so…

There is certainly that old Hollywood chestnut that you always hear: “Some you do for money and some you do for love.” And I’ll never forget seeing a Q & A with Bruce Campbell, and when he was asked why he did the movie Congo (in which he was killed in minutes), he responded by saying that he got paid to go to Africa for two weeks, but he worked for two days and surfed the rest of it. So, I get it. And I get that this is one cog in Legendary’s greater Monsterverse wheel, but it doesn’t mean that you have to phone it in. Where would we be today if Kevin Feige said, “Well, let’s just throw in the towel on this Iron Man movie, because really we just have to get to Avengers.”? Well, technically, they might have done that with Incredible Hulk, but still, you see my point.

The real crux of all this isn’t really “why do good actors make bad movies?” And it’s not even “How did this get made?” There’s already a podcast for that. It’s more about how the system works in general. Here’s how I envision it (but if someone from Legendary Pictures knows the real story, I’m all ears.): High-ranking studio execs decide that there’s money to be made with their stable of characters. They decide that they should make a Godzilla movie, then a King Kong movie, then maybe a couple more, then they want to do King Kong vs. Godzilla, because, like me, they saw it when they were kids and loved it.  And how could they not?giphy (2)

So, they get a screenwriter (actually three, plus one person who gets “story by” credit.) After those four people have written something that the studio execs approve of, it is given to a director, Jordan Vogt-Roberts, who then sets about to making it with a modest (by today’s standards) $186 million budget. Jordan, of course, does not work alone. There are ten producers with probably varying levels of involvement. There’s a cinematographer, an editor, a huge art department, literally hundreds of visual effects artists. and on and on (Seriously, have you watched the credits of a movie lately?) I pasted just the crew list from IMDB into a spreadsheet and it was over 1500, and that’s not including the actors. So, the real question is, did even one of these people show up to work one day and say, “Hey, Jordan, so, this isn’t good.”

Now, I do realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder here, and in fact, if you want to believe Rotten Tomatoes isn’t total BS, it has a 75% critics score and 60% audience score, so it’s technically Certified Fresh. So why do I dislike it so much that I would waste a whole column talking about it when the only real reason I have for it being bad is that it just is? Because potential, dammit!

When the original King Kong was released in 1933, it was an allegory for the slave trade, which is really driven home when he is brought to New York via ship in chains. He is then put on display for rich people to enjoy, and there’s a line, “He was a god in his own lands, and we have brought him here today for your own amusement.” Obviously, since this is a prequel of sorts, this never gets brought up in this movie, because Kong doesn’t leave the island. Still, it is a pretty essential part of the Kong mythology that they just leave out. I get that it was 1933, and that maybe doesn’t work for 2018, but would it have killed them to add some depth?

There’s also the whole “T’was beauty that slayed the beast” part of King Kong, where he was killed trying to protect a white woman, who had actually grown to like him despite his appearance, that was pretty much expunged. Kong does pull Larson out of the water after she fell in trying to help him, but other than that, I don’t remember the two of them having any interaction. It’s just a shame because other than that 30 seconds, it could have been a nice callback to the original.

This is the issue I have with this movie. and I have a final story to hopefully illustrate it. When I saw this movie last March, I saw it in digital “Lie-Max” which is movie-nerd slang for what theaters call IMAX even though the movie is only showing on a slightly larger-than-normal screen. Here’s my account:

I did experience a first here as the movie froze at one point, and we could hear it but the image was not moving. Naturally, I was the first person in the theater to get up and go tell the usher, because while I don’t know a lot about the science of movie projection, I do know that someone isn’t just sitting in that little booth watching the movie to see if something goes wrong. When I came back, it went right to where the sound was instead of going back to where it froze. Obviously, I missed some big story point while I was in the lobby, because one minute they were escaping the island, and the next Tom Hiddleston was saying, “We’re going to rescue Kong!” 

I was only in the lobby for a couple minutes and the entire movie had changed, with almost no prompting. And you know what I have to say about that, don’t you Deadpool?

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So, hopefully, the next Godzilla will be better, and then King Kong vs. Godzilla will be even better. But since this movie took place in the early 70’s, and Godzilla was in present day, will we see Brie Larson in any future installments? It’s not listed on her IMDB page, but to be honest, her career might be better off if she skips it, anyway.

Clay and Dursin are talking all the new #1’s this week; Amazing Spider-Man, X-23, Superman. Plus, one new, weird store in Boston. Click here to listen and enjoy (maybe?)Superman-1-DC-Comics-variant-cover-detail-by-David-Mack

No play-on-words title this time, which is by design (at least that’s what I’m telling myself). I honestly think that the movie’s title reflects the way I feel about it.

Brie would have one more supporting role before turning heads with Room, this time as Amy Schumer’s more-responsible sister in Trainwreck, the comedy that I originally totally thought was a Schumer biopic. In fact, here’s how little I knew: I had read an interview with Schumer where she said she and her sister wrote it together, and I thought that Larson actually was her sister. I guess that means she did a good job?

The reason I thought that this may have been a biopic is because Schumer’s stand-up was always to play the kind-of intelligent yet morally bankrupt party girl. Which she did really well and with great success. So well that one naturally wonders if it was sort of akin to saying, “That guy from Jack-ass sure does know how to play a jack-ass.”

I’m not here to debate whether or not Amy Schumer the Person slept with a lot of guys, but I can say for a fact that she made a movie about a woman named Amy who has slept with a lot of guys. In fact, she got around so much that when her boyfriend Bill Hader tells her that he slept with three women, she notes that she also slept with three women. Movie Amy is supposed to, I suppose, find redemption at the end when she realizes that  Hader, her doctor boyfriend, is actually a nice guy and she wants to be with him, and I assume only him but that’s never really made clear.

Before I start tearing the whole movie apart, let me say that I realize that this is a comedy written by Amy Schumer and directed by Judd Apatow, so it’s not meant to be a moral compass. And it’s actually a very funny movie. But I can’t help but ask the universe whether it was unfortunate timing that it happened to come out a few years before the current Time’s Up/Me Too movement that is permeating Hollywood, or if the unabashed “this is how women really are” attitude on display here helped spur the whole trend on.

For anyone interested in a white male’s opinion on this subject, I have to say that, despite the fact that this movie is only three years old at this point, it is already starting to feel kind of dated and crass, like when you watch people smoking in the office on Mad Men and wonder how could we have been so ignorant. It’s just a feeling I get, but there is something here that just tells me that when it comes to the current female empowerment in movies, this egg came before the chicken, and possibly even set the movement back a few months. Thankfully, Schumer’s next real movie, Snatched, was such a turd that no one really even remembers this one.

Trainwreck tried to take some cues from Bridesmaids, with its whole “Girls can have fun, too” thing. The problem I see with that is that Bridesmaids focused on a group of funny and different characters who just happened to be women, while Trainwreck is mostly about one wayward, free-wheeling, dope-smoking, hard-drinking floozie, and hergiphy struggles through the world. There are story threads about her family and her job, but mostly it’s about how she has trouble in a real relationship because she’s never been in one before. We kind of learn everything we need to know about her early on when her gym rat boyfriend (played amazingly by John Cena) dumps her, and she seems surprised even though she was sleeping around and couldn’t even sit through a date movie with him without going outside to smoke weed.

But I get that all that is comedy fodder, and not meant to tell the audience that the main character of this movie is kind of horrible. It doesn’t really matter, anyway, because she is then sent to interview a sports surgeon played by Hader for the trashy magazine she writes for, and we immediately sense chemistry because… well, we don’t. In fact, she instantly judges him because he’s a successful surgeon to professional athletes, and she thinks sports are kind of dumb (which the movie perpetuates a little by making LeBron James kind of a weirdo, but he plays it so well.)

Still, he must think she’s all right because he asks her out to dinner, and she of course has a few drinks and goes home with him. After sleeping with him, she becomes the worst house guest ever by telling him that he’s breathing wrong and keeping her awake and he’s also not allowed to touch her in his own bed. But, hey, comedy, right?

Maybe because this guy is a little inexperienced and nerdy, he keeps seeing her, and even helps her ailing father, played by Colin Quinn. He is repaid for all of this by Amy when she makes fun of all of his patients, leaves his awards ceremony to take a phone call and smoke more weed, and gets mad at him when he tells her he loves her. In retrospect, she was pretty terrible and he should have run away and never looked back, but since he’s only had sex with three people, I guess we’re supposed to believe that he’s just a sap. (Or he saw the inner beauty. Your level of cynicism can decide.)

Well, ok, I think what we’re supposed to believe is that it was just her family ethos to be cynical and judgmental and generally unhappy. Her interactions with her father and sister definitely lend credence to that theory. However, Brie Larson lends a lot of weight to what could be seen as simply the buzzkill role. We gather that they may have grown up the same, but Brie has matured faster than Amy, and even married a nice single father (although I agree with Amy when she makes fun of the kid for being a total dork.) Not only is Brie more mature in her relationships, but she has come to the realization that their father isn’t really a nice guy, so doesn’t feel so bad when he is put into assisted living after a lifetime of drug use and they have to clean out his junk. Amy insists on keeping some of it for sentimental reasons, and Brie doesn’t understand what she’s clinging to and wants to heave it all.

The relationship between the sisters is really the only one in the movie that has any meaning or depth. And I know this is a Brie Larson column, but I’ll give Schumer her props on this one, too. Most likely because Larson was a stand-in for Schumer’s real sister, and because the two real-life sisters wrote most of the movie themselves, there is great chemistry between them, and the dialogue seems real and not like it was written for a movie. One of my favorite scenes, in fact, is when it is revealed that Larson is pregnant with a girl, and the two sisters share a feeling of horror, knowing how hard their childhood was as young girls. I also like the scene in which Quinn is not even teasing but out-and-out insulting Larson’s stepson, and hoping that her biological child will be better, so that he can have a “real” grandchild, and she responds, “They’re both your grandchildren, goddammit!” and storms off. Quinn dies not long after, so as far as we know, those may have been her last words to him. Heavy stuff.

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Now, I have been ripping this movie apart, and yes, called a three year-old movie “dated,” but there is an element at play here that would lead me to call Schumer and Apatow geniuses if I thought that they were actually aiming for this (and who knows? Maybe they did, in your opinion.) Here is my theory:

If you choose to delve into it, you could see this movie as the swan song of the male-aggrandizing romantic comedy, and even the demise of Colin Quinn’s bigoted, alcoholic, aging playboy as the actual death of that genre. Video store shelves used to be filled with movies where no matter how badly the male protagonist screws up, the female lead forgives him and takes him back because he made some stupid romantic gesture that would only work in a movie (Screw you, Lloyd Dobbler!). Schumer and company have flipped the script here and made the female protagonist the one with all the flaws, and the one that makes the grand, only-in-the-movies gesture, and the male lead is the one who takes her back while the pop song plays us out.

But if they did want to make this the end of the male-aggrandizing romantic comedy, they certainly went out guns blazing. To me, Amy is too flawed to be forgiven that quick, and to be perfectly honest, Hader doesn’t really even forgive her because he didn’t seem all that mad at her in the first place. They had a fight, and it was suggested they take some time apart, during which she is fired and almost sleeps with her intern, and I’m pretty sure she totally would have slept with that intern if he weren’t so weird and said things like “cradle my bonch.” So, yeah, maybe if Hader had seen that display, he would have just stayed away, but he didn’t, so he took her back, with almost no prompting. Other than to throw out her weed and vodka, Amy didn’t really repent at all. All she did was dance to Billy Joel and jump off a trampoline to convince him. Personally, I think this was better when Bridget Jones ran out into the cold in her underwear, fourteen years earlier.

The good news is that this was a big move for Brie Larson’s career. She herself even says this was a big boost for her, and states that there were some raw moments on set between her and Schumer. I doubt that she (or any woman) would agree with my assessment of Trainwreck, but if the movie existed just for one reason, it was so that we could see that this Larson kid could actually act. And, really, so can Lebron.

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I hope I don’t run out of clever puns for every one of Brie Larson’s movies. It anyone has one for Kong: Skull Island, I’m all ears. (Bong? How about Numbskull Island?)

For anyone still reading these, so far, I have covered two movies where she was the hot ex-girlfriend, one where she was pseudo-desired by the male lead, and one where she was practically mute. So I wanted to advance the story a little bit and cover a movie where she was actually the lead. And not just a co-star where she was sharing screen time with a man and playing off of him, like most would expect. Nope. Brie gets top billing here, and it was the first time that a lot of people stood up and took notice. I am, of course, talking about the 2013 indy-drama Short Term 12.

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I say “of course,” but don’t fret none if you haven’t heard of it, because I had never heard of it before I started my movie quest last year. It only made just over a million bucks in limited release in 2013. But actors don’t do these for money, right? No, of course not. They do it for love, and to get noticed so that you can go on to star in bigger and better things. (I mean, you don’t get to be Captain Marvel without paying some dues.)

Cynicism aside, this was a big deal for Brie Larson, and it was a big deal at SXSW that year, as well, winning the Grand Jury and Audience Award for Narrative Feature. Larson herself was nominated and won a bunch of festival awards, as well. And if you believe that Rotten Tomatoes isn’t just a BS site, Short Term 12 is only one of ten films to earn a 99% or 100% rating on there. Which sounds impressive, but when you consider how much online trolls mess with Rotten Tomatoes’ ratings system, it’s a little less so.

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But what’s the actual deal with this movie? Well, according to the IMDB logline, it’s about “a 20-something supervising staff member of a residential treatment facility navigates the troubled waters of that world alongside her co-worker and longtime boyfriend.” Now, I’ll admit right off the bat that this movie sounds pretty awful from that description. Like a Lifetime movie that is even too lame for Lifetime. But you can’t really go by two measly lines. Plus, the term “residential treatment facility” is so sanitized that it doesn’t begin to describe the kinds of things that happen in places like that. Basically, it’s a home for troubled teens, and Larson’s character, Grace, is pretty much the only one smart and caring enough to really do what she has to do to help these kids. And to pile on top of that stress, she’s pregnant! I know that some people say that there’s never a good time to be pregnant, but working in a place like that, it’s gotta be rough.

But what is this facility really all about. Well, Short Term 12 (The name of the movie and the facility) has tons of teens living there, but the movie mostly focuses on two, Marcus, who is turning 18 soon and finding the prospect of living in the world rather daunting, and Jayden, a recent arrival with a sordid history. Grace and Jayden feel a kinship, and after Jayden’s father doesn’t pick her up on her birthday and Jayden has an episode, Grace reveals some her own personal scars, physical and mental, as Grace used to cut herself. As an aside, I don’t think the movie delves into this too much, but in my experience (more on that later), revealing personal details like that to troubled teens should be a huge violation of the rules of the place, not to mention a ginormous error in judgement.

Jayden ends up leaving the facility, at night, forcing Grace to follow her (another big no-no is touching when you are alone with a kid in those situations, because it’s their word against yours.) They end up at Jayden’s Dad’s house, only to find it empty. Jayden returns to the facility and reads Grace a story that she wrote, and this all leads Grace to believe that Jayden was abused by her father.

Meanwhile, Grace herself is dealing with this whole pregnancy thing, and not really feeling it. In fact, she has made an appointment to get an abortion without telling her boyfriend, Mason, who also works at the facility. Mason is a nice guy, and trying to do all the right things, even proposing to Grace, because who wants a bastard? Grace accepts, but is again thrown for a loop when she receives a phone call the next morning informing her that her father is being released from prison. She then goes to work and finds out that Jayden has been picked up by her Dad, and is enraged, even though there was nothing anyone could do, since Jayden denied being abused, and that’s how the system works. Just to throw some more crap on the pile, poor Marcus, in an attempt to stay at the facility, or just because he’s psychologically damaged, attempts suicide after the death of his fish. What a world.

Grace then has a break down, tells Mason that she doesn’t want to marry him and that she’s getting an abortion. In her rage, she goes to Jayden’s house and breaks in, either to beat her father up, or at least find evidence of abuse (probably the first one.) Jayden thankfully stops her, and they decide that instead of smashing her father, they smash his car instead. I know that this was based on director Destin Daniel Cretton’s personal experiences, but I couldn’t find any evidence if this car-smashing was real or not, but if so, it sounds cathartic. Afterwards, Grace opens up about how she was abused by her father, and Jayden finally reveals the truth about how her father also abused her. They return to Short Term 12 and Jayden spills the beans.

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To tie everything up in a bow, Grace gets back with Mason, and they are seen getting an ultrasound, and even Marcus is going to be ok. Yay! Good triumphs over evil!

Sorry. I’m not making light of the circumstances, of course, but I think we know that these stories don’t end like this. Or end at all, really, unless the principles just get another job somewhere happier and the teens all move on at the same time. There are always going to be teens coming in to Short Term 12 with new problems. And let’s face it, Grace will always have to carry the burden of her own past. This isn’t one of those movies, though. This is just a capsule look inside the lives of these people, and it’s probably a look that most people need to take.

Many years ago, I worked a couple summers in a place similar to Short Term 12. Not exactly “troubled teens,” but certainly developmentally disabled. The girl I was dating at the time was similar to Grace, but unfortunately for her, I was no Mason. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything here. I hated that job. Obviously, there was no money in it, but of course I didn’t take it for money, so that’s not the reason it wasn’t for me. I just didn’t have the temperament for it, and I admire the Hell out of anyone who does. The alarms going off when a kid decides to bolt. The special staff that are called when a kid has to be restrained. The day I got spryaed with a fire extinguisher was particularly rough. My only saving grace was that I knew it was only for a few months. I really do respect people who do this all day, every day. And then it goes a step farther for people like Grace, who want to help, and go that extra mile every day to make these kids’ lives just a little bit better.

However, Grace has her own issues, as my girlfriend did back then. I often wondered if that was why she did it, that if she could help these kids, it would ease her own suffering somehow. Spoiler warning: it didn’t. She spiraled and spiraled and drank and spiraled and, as far as I can tell, is still spiraling down 15 years later, to the point where I believe that her mental anguish has manifested itself physically and is now breaking down her body (any smart people out there can feel free to dispute this, but until I see some proof that I’m wrong, I’m a believer). It makes me a little sad, obviously, but this is the tragedy of mental illness, especially when brought on by childhood abuse. Honestly, smashing the car was giving the guy a pass.

As I watched this movie, I wondered if the same fate would befall Grace, or if it did befall whoever Grace may have been based on in real life. Hopefully not. People do overcome these things. And I think that is the take-away here. The point was not to tie all the storylines up at the end like a sitcom. I think it was to open up some eyes, lift up some hearts, and maybe give some people a little hope.

Whew. That was a deep one. Next time, I’ll try to keep things a little lighter. Not sure what movie I’ll feel like covering, but just to put this one to bed: As mentioned above, this was Brie Larson’s first starring role, and the one that really got everyone’s attention. After a lot of filming in 2014, 2015 would be her breakout year, and we’ll get to that soon.

Before I start talking about the movie being focused on in this post, I wanted to call attention to the post-credit scene for Avengers: Infinity War. If you haven’t seen it, well, what the Hell? If you have, then you know what I’m talking about, but just in case, yes, Nick Fury was “paging” Captain “Brie Larson” Marvel. And for anyone who thinks that maybe she’s not cut out to be a super-hero, please click here. It’s literally a 20-second video, but you’ll be impressed.

But this post isn’t about Cadownloadptain Marvel. It’s about a very different movie, in fact; the Joseph Gordon-Leavitt/Scarlet Johansson (with some great Julianne Moore on the side) vehicle Don Jon. If you are unfamiliar with this movie, it’s definitely worth your time, and probably not what you were expecting from the trailers, which made it seem like this lovely, little rom-com where a guy meets a girl and they go through the motions and end up together and happy at the end. So, if you’re looking for something a little different, here we go:

Jon (Gordon-Leavitt) is one of those Jersey guys who loves his nice car, his swank apartment, his crazy family (and who wouldn’t? His Dad is played by Tony Danza), and his hot women. His friends constantly marvel at the fact that he meets “a ten” literally every weekend. Unfortunately, when all is said and done, the pleasure that he gets from these women pales in comparison to the pleasure he gets from watching internet porn. Seriously, guy watches a lot of porn, and goes through a lot of tissues. Not sure if he’s an addict, but he’s at least bordering on being one.

He meets Barbara, (Scarjo) and is flummoxed when she plays a little hard-to-get by not sleeping with him right away. This drives him to want to be with her even more. She is from a more affluent upbringing, however, so she tries to mold him into something a little more respectable. She encourages him to take night classes to better himself. The relationship progresses and they finally sleep together, but Jon still prefers the porn (because he can “lose himself.” Also, he doesn’t have to have actual conversations with the porn actors.) Barbara catches him watching a porn video, and is livid, but he claims that it was just a joke sent to him by a friend. She tells him “no more porn,” but that only lasts until the moment he discovers that he can just watch it on his phone. There is a classic moment when he is caught watching a video on his phone by Esther, one of his classmates played by the amazing Julianne Moore. Instead of judging him like Barbara, Esther laughs and says, “Oh my God! Are you watching porn?” and it actually helps them forge a cool bond.

Barbara and Jon continue to have issues (She feels that him cleaning his own apartment is beneath him, for example.), and eventually, she breaks up with him when she checks his browser history and sees that the one video that was supposedly sent to him as a joke was not an isolated incident. Man, even his noob friends point out that he really should have deleted his history.

After the break-up, Jon begins a bit of a downward spiral, and Esther begins to lend him her wisdom. She also lends him a video that she says has a more realistic depiction of actual sex: a Danish erotic film from the 70’s that she says is “pretty hot.” That only pushes him to initiate sex with her. She then encourages him to maybe quit the porn, and even try masturbating without it. She suggests that maybe he could lose himself in a real person. This ends up being pretty life-changing, as he eventually does lose himself in Esther, after learning that she lost her husband and son in a car accident, and discovering what a strong and incredible person she is for overcoming all that, and he can have sex with her and not have to run to his computer after. So, there you go. That’s his arc. End scene.

But wait, “isn’t this a blog about Brie Larson?” you may ask. Is she even in this movie? Of course, and she has a pivotal role. She plays Jon’s sister Monica, and Brie, a future Oscar-winner, and Marvel Cinematic Universe flag-bearer has all of one line in Don Jon. But it’s still a very important role. See, Jon is very close to his family, and they all love Barbara when he first brings her home. But as the relationship progresses, Monica has some thoughts about how it’s playing out. She doesn’t reveal them at first, as while the rest of the family continually discuss the topic, she spends most of the movie like this:

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Naturally, I thought it was a bit of a waste of a good actress, and they were trying to make some kind of comment on millennials always being on their phones while life passes them by. I was foolishly missing the fact that she is clearly observing what’s going on, but clearly letting everyone figure out their own problems. When it comes up at a family meal that Barbara and Jon have broken up, and Jon’s mother goes ballistic because all she wants is grandchildren, causing his Dad to also go ballistic, Monica finally speaks amid the chaos, at first drowned out by the TV, and says:

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Monica is the only one who consoles her brother by rightly pointing out that Barbara wanted a guy who would just do whatever she wants. She also looks Jon right in the face and tells him that it’s “a good thing” they broke up. In their family dynamic, it was all about getting married and having a family, and Barbara was the right girl for that, even if Jon wasn’t sure he wanted to do all that now. I personally know many marriages that went down this way, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

As fun and compelling as that scene is (and as fun as it is to watch Tony Danza play the angry old, Dad), what really worked for me was the movie’s take on porn. The IMDB parental advisory warning says

  • This move might be difficult to watch since there is such an extremely strong portrayal of desire for women in “porn” as objects for gratification without consideration of the feelings of the women however there is a corresponding portrayal of a healthy attitude about sex and women.

I have to admit that I find this mildly amusing, and even though I’m not a parent, I guess I understand the rationale there. I am picturing a very concerned stay-at-home Mom, not unlike Jon’s mother, perhaps, sitting at her keyboard typing that, feeling the need to tell the world that this movie portrays the women in porn as “objects,” as if we didn’t know. Because of course, we should all consider the feelings of women starring in the porno video in a fictitious movie. Joking aside, yes, we should not look at any women as objects, and despite this poster’s lack of correct punctuation, we should definitely applaud them for pointing out that the movie also shows us “a healthy attitude” about women and sex, which I guess was Esther’s role. I’m not sure that’s what the writers of the movie were going for exactly, but at least this person didn’t go on IMDB just to rip on the politics of Don Jon.

In reality, Jon’s porn addiction is clearly a cover-up for deeper intimacy issues, and I was pleasantly surprised that the movie didn’t portray him as some sickie simply because the dude likes his adult flicks. He’s actually a nice guy who is very religious, loves his friends and family, but is feeling such enormous pressure to get married and have kids, that he is having trouble connecting with anyone on an emotional level. That’s what he sees in the women in the videos he watches; they’re not necessarily “objects,” but they are women that he never has to connect with in real life. A lot of movies have men with these kinds of intimacy issues, but I can’t think of too many that handle it this way. Just like a lot of movies have male characters obsessed with porn, and almost all of them are portrayed as one-dimensional, horny assholes. That’s where this movie gets it right.

This is all exemplified by Esther. She doesn’t judge him for his porn-watching, his station in life, and she certainly doesn’t judge him for cleaning his own apartment. She’s like a Manic Pixie Dream-girl without the manic (and ok, without the pixie, but she’s pretty beautiful.) She does not judge him, but in fact, tries to show him a better way. And succeeds, as does the movie. Jon and Esther are then free to lose themselves in each other, and we’re freed from another boring romantic comedy.

To wrap things up here, Brie Larson was still a couple years away from an Oscar, but she was definitely starting to make waves. I’ll be back soon to recap more of her journey to the big time, but until there, watch that workout video. Seriously.

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I am trying to build a narrative here, so if you’re waiting for my take on Trainwreck or Kong: Skull Island or something a little more mainstream, don’t worry. We’ll get there. If you really don’t care, then this is the column for you.

In 2015, Jake Johnson cashed in on his newfound “New Girl” fame and made Digging for Fire with Joe Swanberg, best known for… nothing. No, I’m kidding. Apparently, he’s known for little indie movies with a lot of improvisation, which includes this one. I assume that because no studio would make this movie. That does not necessarily mean it’s bad, and it does have a lot of famous people in it (including Larson, Anna Kendrick, and Sam Rockwell), but it’s just not something that a studio would care to make. And who could blame them?

Digging for Fire, as I wrote in my previous post last year, is about, “young parents Johnson and Rosemarie Dewitt who are hitting all kinds of ruts, financially, romantically and just in general feeling old and grumpy as they house-sit for a much-richer couple. She and their young son go to spend a weekend with her mother so they can have some Me time.” Yes, I quoted myself, because you probably didn’t click the link, right? Before I begin my rant, let it be known that the New York Post called it a “hilarious, existential treasure.”  You believe them, right?

Anyway, on to the Me-Time weekend; Johnson spends his partying and getting high with his buddies, while she spends it getting seduced by Orlando Bloom. There’s also a storyline that Johnson found an old gun and a human bone buried in the greenery on the property, and becomes convinced that there’s a whole body there somewhere. So he digs and digs (hence the title), which is the actual impetus for his wife to spend the weekend elsewhere. He also blows off his taxes to dig for a body that’s probably not there, which I guess is supposed to tell us something about obsession or whatever. All it really tells me is that Hollywood filmmakers don’t know much about how real people live. (More on that later.)

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Since this is supposed to be about Brie Larson, I should tell you that she plays “Max,” one of the young co-eds that Johnson’s Moloid friends invited over to trash this rich couple’s house. Since most of these guys are old college buddies but are older and married now, there are levels of partyers there, from the stereotypical jerk who never really stopped partying, to the other jerk who is a total stick-in-the-mud. Johnson is somewhere in-between, but his digging obsession kind of takes up most of his limited brainpower, anyway. Larson is the only one who sees the lure of finding a real, live dead body, and that draws them together a little. To the filmmaker’s credit, there is a story here. Apparently, because they are men, they had written in the story outline that Larson’s character flirts with Johnson and there’s a bit of intrigue regarding whether or not they will have sex with each other. Larson rightly pointed out to them that, according to a Vulture article, by way of this dude’s blog, “‘I would not be sexually attracted to a married man with a 5-year-old who’s digging in his backyard.’” But the mystery and sense of adventure bring her back the next day. She ends up going to dinner with Johnson, and they share some moments, which mostly consist of him complaining about how his life as a high school gym teacher wasn’t really what he had in mind when he was growing up (No duh!).  I think we’re also supposed to see that her young, fancy-free lifestyle is alluring to him because he’s so old and passed his prime, because he’s 37. I’m really giving this story too much credit by delving into it that deep, though. Basically, he whines and she listens, which is pretty much all he wants because his wife has probably heard it all already, and she’s got problems of her own.

Ah, yes, the wife. Sadly, since this was written by men, she sort of gets relegated to the B-storyline. While visiting her family, DeWitt (who played Midge Daniels on Mad Men, if you need a reference. I know I did.) decides to head out to a nice bar and enjoy some time by herself. Of course, she is accosted by a belligerent drunk, and rescued by a handsome stranger played by Orlando Bloom, because of course, right? A guy who looks like Orlando Bloom is a single man living in L.A. in 2015. And not a douche. Orlando gets punched for his troubles, and he and DeWitt end up hanging out some more because she feels bad for causing his handsome face to get pounded. They, in fact, share a very intimate walk on the beach, which I again covered last year in my previous post, and said, after that “even I wanted to jump him.”

In the end, DeWitt resists Bloom, and Johnson had no shot with Larson, anyway, and they return to each other with a renewed understanding of their relationship, and hopefully an interest in doing their taxes. Do I have to write any further about the on-the-nose casting of this movie? Brie Larson as the young girl that Johnson clearly wants to have sex with, Orlando Bloom as the handsome and extremely gentlemanly gent that DeWitt probably should have sex with, and Sam Rockwell as the obnoxious friend. I guess they wanted to show how strong-willed our protagonists were to be able to resist temptation, but let’s face it, who would have faulted DeWitt for cheating on her idiot husband with this beautiful man?

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Casting aside, I feel like this is the screenplay version of motel room art. It’s technically good, and the structure is fine, and if a lot of the dialogue was indeed improvised, good on them because that is pretty hard, but they should have just let Brie Larson handle the whole thing after her suggestion. It was good that they listened, but there’s still a little too much “man” stuff going on for it to work. I do get that married people, especially young parents, probably do face periods where things get rocky. And yes, no one wants to be a gym teacher. And yes, people do get tempted to take a walk on the wild side. All of that happens in here, and it’s very realistic. And yet, somehow I still don’t buy it.

One more quote from myself (You really might as well have just clicked the link): “because filmmakers are really doughy-eyed, Johnson and Dewitt resist all urges and realize that all they really want is each other, and to raise their child as they see fit and to Hell with the pressures of the world (Yay!)” It’s not that I didn’t buy that they were able to resist cheating and resist the lure of digging or whatever Johnson was doing, but I just really didn’t care all that much, and I almost wished they did cheat, just to give the story a little more teeth. Instead, we got this very happy little Raymond Carver story that wraps up all nice at the end.  I mean, they never even found a body buried in the ground. Nothing dramatic really happened, at all. I feel like if I had submitted this in some screenwriting workshop, that’s the feedback I would have gotten. And hopefully, that’s what they did get, because this totally seems like the kind of screenplay that someone would write for one of those horrible workshops.

This is what I was getting at earlier about filmmakers in Hollywood not knowing how real people live. Yes, all the things that happened in this movie can and do happen to people, but how the characters reacted wasn’t very believable, or even interesting. I’m not asking for a movie to reinvent the wheel, but I am looking for some reason to make the 90 minutes I just spent watching your movie seem worthwhile. Passion projects are great, and everyone should definitely get to see their dream movie get made, and that’s what most indie movies are. But if your dream movie doesn’t really have a lot to say other than, “Sometimes, love wins,” then maybe just jazz it up a bit to make it worth it.

So, unless you’re endeavoring to watch all of Brie Larson’s movies, you can definitely skip this one. But this same year would see the release of both Trainwreck and Room, so things were looking up for her, and those who follow her.